lobsters

i really dont like crustaceons. they taste gross and they are really slimy. on my mission i ate crab for an hour nonstop and a couple hours later i just lost it all. it was gross. i think it was then i realized i didnt like anything with an exoskeleton. they look really delicious on top, but deep down they are filled with meat that could possibly make your stomach churn. they look good on top, but underneath they just arent. have you ever watched a lobster in a tank? they always start crawling over each other and anytime a lobster almost gets free, another lobster will pull him down and start the whole futile cycle all over again. i think the aquabats said it best. i think its best if we all just stop pulling people down and start building each other up. im definitely not the best at that, but i'm going to try to change my ways. Many times we may view people as shellfish, as just lifeless little beings, no feeling, just something we can walk all over, but even vegans dont eat clams! i guess what im trying to get it at is that everything has worth, even if you cant really see it on top. clam and oyster shells might be the most unappealing in the ocean, but inside they have something that even a sworn sea food avoider would like- a pearl. the lesson here is that no matter what we think, all things have worth. and that steak and potatoes makes a much better meal.

jiffy lube redux

so i wrote jiffy lube a very angry letter. i got a friendly phone call in return. i talked to mike and he took great care in apologizing and making sure that the situation was completely fixed. he explained to me that since the manager at his store was "hispanic" there may have been a bit of communication failure, but that that really wasnt a good excuse. he was very polite and professional and i was very excited when he asked "where should i send the check?" so all in all im a happy camper. good for jiffy lube for being a good business and remembering that the customer is always right. and thanks paul for taking the time to leave a comment! word. cev-us (prounounced seevus) walks. Serenity now!!!!

jiffy lube.

well this one goes out to my rediculously sick friend, cant even visualize. i hope this little update in the chronicles makes you feel a bit better. so i needed an oil change thatis weekend. and i thought about the many places i could go and i remembered that the generous athletic department of BYU had given all of us a coupon for 7 bucks off of an oil change! well that was a great incentive for me to go! so i show up and i tell them i wanna use my coupon and the guy tells me that i can use my Student ID as well to get another 7 bucks off! that would total 14 bucks! (for all you uvsc students i added it up for ya) anyhow so i was stoked and uber pleased with my decision. they told me that they would be done in about an hour. so in the meantime my friend drew and i go to the local big lots and walk around to see with what kind of stuff we want to decorate our apt next semester. as we shop we remember our plan to get fly swatters to take to the basketball games and use them to taunt the other teams players when they get "swatted" by our team. (please dont write to the daily universe complaining about my "unsportsmanship") so we cant find them at big lots.... (turned out they have a big lot of nothing) so we went to rite aid which turned out to be wrong aid and we finally got to maceys where we found what it was we were looking for. anyhow oh and we stopped at the rentacenter and saw that big screen tv's are for rent for only 75 bucks a month! boo ya! anyhow this is supposed to be about jiffy lube. well about an hour and a half later we go back to jiffy lube and they still arent done with our freaking cars, so we go off to the marriott center to wait in line so we can get Utah tickets which was pointless for me because i have to go to rehearsal among other things... anyhow so while im sitting in the frozeness we call provo, outdoors, i get a call from the lube telling me that my car is ready, but they noticed some problems and asked if i wanted to fix them. now i had heard about how notoriously sneaky jiffy lube was, but i didnt think they would pull the same act on me. they told me about some things that i knew were wrong with my car and i agreed to have thme fix it after they quoted me some pretty decent and low prices. after i got my tickets (which i have to give away) i went to the jiffy lube and picked up my car. when i went to pay i should them the coupon and my student id but the man at the counter said "i can only accept one of those, company policy" i was flabbergasted! the man at the beginning said i could have both! but they refused to budge, so i took my lumps and left. on my way out i read the line items on my invoice and saw that they had charged me more for the extra crap they did than they had quoted me over the phone! oh man at this point i was livid!!!! so i went back into the store and i said "you quoted me 5.99 for this radiator cap, but you charged me 11.99!!!!" to which the lazy grease monkey replied "oh no they are 9.99...". i just about hit the roof when he said this! these high school dropouts had lied to my face on at least 3 occasions!!!! i was gonna rip the walls down and beat the guy with them! i couldnt take it so i just left in a huff with a head full of things i reallllly wanted to say to the grim covered theif! after that ordeal and after a lot of calming down from my homies drew and shankstick we went to the basketball game, sponosored by Jiffy Lube. karma.

class time for zeffy.

so i have class with a certain lolita. (i dont think that the classy enigmatic vixens know the full meaning of that word, but maybe they do... if so its quite fitting...) anyhow, i have class with Lolita and whenever i come in on time i feel obligated to sit next to her. probably cause shes in my ward and i want to "sustain" the members, but oftentimes this seems like a bit of a chore. i really dont like talking to her... i never have anything to say, and she doesnt really either, but she says it anyway... when class ends, i try to get up and go out quick but she manages to always be right there at my side. i feel awkward around her cause one time i was going to pick up my laundry at around 2 a.m. and when i opened the door i saw two bodies quickly separate from eachother and saw her face, as she was seemingly gasping for breath. kind of an awkward place to be making out dont you think? so i really cant get that image out of mind and plus i have the vixens filling me in on the outlandish, but believable craziness our lacivious lolita seems to a part of. Dang lolita, you making me crazy holmes.

THE WAR ZONE

the sniper slowly and methodically took out the members of nate the great's team. one by one the fell at pull of the dastardly villans's trigger. soon mr great wasnt looking all the great anymore. one false step and he'd be off to the nerd heaven ( a dungeons and dragon convention in the sky...). as marshmallow natey strafes along a wall, the expected happens and he takes a virtual bullet between the virtual bi-focals. Fists slam the desk as the real slim natey growls in disgust. "come one people"he cries, imagining other people around him helping him finish his top secret mission. "ugghhhhh why cant we just get this sniper!!! JEEEEEEZZ!" nate starts over his attempt for the umpteenth time this evening. once again the pattern is repeated and the groans and exclamations and fist pounding seems to get louder and more booming. "FETCH" he exclaims so loud, he pulls the sergeant major seated in the next room right off his chair. "atten hut, Nathan Thompson!" sarge barks, "you realize that your constant clamoring and chatter are affecting everyone in this fox hole? you are not the only one here, so i suggest you make like a storm window and SHUT UP!" silence fills the tiny apartment. not even the spiders crawling underneath the affable (though sloppy) actors bed dare to move. "at ease soldier." the army-esque fiance quietly states. slowly life crept back into the small abode as the geek got back to his computer-generated reality. the geek couldnt help but feel odd... his first human contact in what felt like weeks, or as the gnomes keep time in many a fortnight. "what an extraordinary event" he reflected. "the more annoying i get, the more possibility i have of having people talk to me." the technological wonder went back to his slaying of snipers, but also formulated a plot to gain the attentions of his fellow commrades through random acts of annoying. to be continued.....

living in the lincoln continental....

if only i really lived in something as classy as a lincoln continental... i just have a roommate who wears a woman bathrobe, a drill sargeant, and someone upstairs just yelled "fine" and slammed the door. next thing i know there will be gunshots! but thats not what i wanna talk about.... let me tell ya about the cougareat. what a joy and pleasure it was to spend 4 quaint weeks there. i never got a food handlers permit, or got safety training, but yet no one seemed to notice! so that was really reassuring! also when it came to uniform time, they just reached into a bag and found my size and gave it to me. luckily one of my shirts didnt smell too bad.... and the hat... oh man that hat... i think its the worst part about working there. after you work your shift, you can still feel the after effects of wearing the hat, just reminding you of how low you've sunk. who knows if i have lice... i know they didnt spray that hat. so my first day, im putting fry sauce and lettuce on a bun and all the other employees are in absolute awe that i can handle the assembly so well on my own. for a second i thought i was working in the uvsc cafeteria... anyhow so as i keep on going on with my little foray into food service, i learned a few things. if a customer ever returns food becuase it wasnt prepared well enough, dont throw it away, put it under a heat lamp so david (names have not been changed) can eat it when his shift is over. also, i found that the more annoyingly you attempt to speak your mission language to customers and fellow coworkers, the less i like you. along with scoreboard, i worked at little tomas', or as the sign says "tomasittos". this was easier and more sanitary, but it had its downsides. one time i spilled a plate of biscuits and gravy.... dumb i know, but i cleaned it up. well my dear "crew supervisor" stopped at nothing to make sure that i was aware that i had spilled and was huffed and puffed the rest of the morning. i kid you not. i thought she was gonna get a daily universe and roll it up and swat me like a dog. but at least i got free "food" right? all i know is i have a lot of respect for the good people that take those jobs. i also dont have a lot of respect for the dumb people that take those jobs. anyhow that was a little bitter, and im not sure which one i am (good or dumb) but at least i get to wear a tie to work now!

Dealing With BYU's Homeless

almost everyday i see homeless people on campus. they usually reside in the jfsb. on more than one occasion i have been walking down the stairs to get to my 8:00 poli sci class only to find the stairwell blocked by a sleeping homeless person. she looked well dressed and she had a backpack, but for all i knew she was homeless. who else sleeps in the middle of where everyone walks around. as i got to the basement i saw the hallways littered with homeless people, mostly girls, sprawled out, covering themselves in their homeless abercrombie and fitch jackets, probably dreaming of finding 3 quarters so they could buy something from the vending machines. (the jfsb might have the best on campus, by the way... its a toss up between the hfac and the jfsb) anyhow they arent only in the jfsb either. try walking through the benson building and you'll see hordes of homeless sleeping under the little displays about president benson, nestled into their little alcove clutching their homeless person biology book. pretty disturbing if you ask me, all these homeless people sleeping all over the campus of the Lords university. and today i saw something so sad i almost cried. a homeless guy had made a ball of snow and was eating it between the swkt and the science center.... i just felt for the guy, he had sunk so low he had to eat snow off the ground (probably where he would be sleeping that night..) anyhow the homeless person lounging around campus problem has got to stop. i just dont want to step over some sleeping homeless person on my way to new testament, i dont think its very christian of them to make me do that.

have you ever seen john mccains arms? they are robotic. he doesnt move his shoulders. i was told today that he was prisoner of war and that the vietcong broke his shoulders, but i dont really believe that. i think hes just awkward. i dont know if i cold ever vote for someone who doesnt move their shoulders when they speak. hes a robot as the video will explain.... anyhow i think we all learned from this... ROBOTS HATE MORMONS and want to give illegal immigrants amnesty.

foundoutedness

today at FHE i came to know CEV, it really made me LOL. i found them to be stalkerish as they knew about my love of road trips and my insatiable hunger for techno music. but all in all it was a grand experience finding out the fiends that have consistently plagued the army-esque one with love notes every week. i think they thought themselves quite clever, but i still found out victoria's secret.

army-esque and the secret agenda

i think ive figured out who the people are that call my roommate armyesque, and essentially drive him crazy. now should i help him know the truth and spoil the fun? no i dont think so either. good job CEV... i got the C & the E, but where did the V come from?.....